The Rollie Fingers Award for Achievement in Facial Hair Growth by a Relief Pitcher goes to Arizona Diamondbacks rookie Clay Zavada. The sensational face-salad clinging to Zavada's upper lip speaks for itself. Who wants a mustache ride?
The Steven Shepherd Trophy for Inscrutable Mound Activity goes to Mets' pitcher Mike Pelfrey for his dumbfounding three balks in a May 16th loss to the Giants televised nationally on ESPN.
The 1-Man, No Cup Prize for Astonishing Willingness to Share Fecal Matter is awarded to Phillies' outfielder Raoul Ibanez, who proffered his stool (along with his urine, hair and blood... hopefully not mixed) to a blogger who suggested Ibanez's recent explosion in offensive production may be attributable to performance enhancing drugs.
The Geriatric Award, sponsored by Rascal Scooter Co., Inc. goes to Phillies' quadragenarian Jamie Moyer for his impressive effectiveness as a starter despite his old age. MLB may want to research the potential performance enhancing characteristics of a combination of Avadart, Levitra, Celebrex, Just for Men and over-the-counter ulcer medication.
The Deucedbrains Plaque for Stifling Proficiency in Getting One's Brains Deuced Out is awarded to Oklahoma City RedHawks' first-baseman Chris Davis. Davis struck out an impressive 114 times in 258 big league at-bats for the Rangers before being demoted to the minors. He did bang out 15 home runs however, meaning he either struck out or left the yard in exactly 50% of his AB's this year.
The Orbitz Gum "Dirty Mouth" Award goes to White Sox third-baseman Gordon Beckham for this slide into second base against the Royals on 4th of July weekend.
The Jason Kidd, Sickest No-Look Dish of the Half-Year is awarded to JU alum Daniel Murphy of the Mets for this web gem which sadly predated his benching.
Oakland A's pitcher Josh Outman walks away with two prestigious "Deucies." One for Most Uncannily Suitable Surname (with a name like that, he was born to get outs) and the Hoboken Knitting Society's Prize for Outstanding Hosiery in appreciation for his leg garmenting. While I am not the biggest fan of the A's yellow sanitaries, I do value Outman's efforts to bring the 6-inch stirrup back in vogue.
Well that's all we have for now. Winners, your prizes should arrive via DHL in the coming weeks. We are always accepting suggestions for further awards and will provide forum for your recommendations. Thanks!
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